Southern Charm
For some reason, the differences between southerners and everyone else seem to come up constantly. Some seem to think that there's a certain charm to southerners and life in the south. Being one and living there, I'd have to agree.
For many of us, careers have put us in direct contact with, let's call them "less charming" folks, at one time or another. At first the abrasion just inspires you to call them names or write them off. Time proves that it's not that easy or even necessary really. You just have to learn the species to know how to deal with them, much like poisonous snakes.
Get inside the head of a southerner and a few basic tenets reveal themselves. The typical southern grew up in or near the church. Even if they didn't, those who shaped and guided them did. What does this mean to non-southerners? Pay close attention. It means there's a deep rooted respect for authority and rules, even if they break them, they fear them. Fire and brimstone ain't a flavor of ice cream 'round here. That respect for authority permeates everything. Schools, churches, the streets and especially the homestead. So out of respect for pretty much everything, the typical southerner is respectful, reserved and polite, to a fault in some cases. Why did that guy just wave at me? Because he has to, get over it. Ever get stuck holding the door for an endless stream of people, and not even consider letting it go? Yeah, that's what I mean. You can sex it up and say its also deep respect for the land, the country and blah blah blah on down the line. Just stick with the basic built-in premise of a cultural commitment to being respectful. That doesn't mean a southerner won't knock you around a little.
You see here's where it gets interesting. "Tough love" may or may not have originated in the southern United States, but we're pretty good at it. There's an art to giving someone the space they need to become a healthy independent adult and breaking one off in their ass when called for. I thought for the longest time, that mothers in our community growing up, must have had CB radios and a manual on how to get a leg up on crafty young men on the run. Getting thumped is a good thing though. It reinforces respect for the rules and ultimately led to a more profound appreciation for why we need rules and guidelines in our lives. It's common sense that pandering to a crybaby makes it worse. In many ways, that's the exact medicine we got growing up. Do you think women in the 1930s south whined about killing a chicken for dinner or washing a load of filthy clothes by hand? Of course they didn't, and that nose to the grindstone ethic has been encoded into the very DNA of many of us. You can spend time and money talking about it, or just get it done. Our ancestors didn't have a choice, and even though we clearly do, there's always an engine running in our heads barking out no no-nonsense orders and chomping at the bit.
It's not so much about a southerner having these qualities in spades over people from other parts of the country as individuals, but more about the numbers. You're exposed to entire states and regions of this behavior. It runs deep. In tiny towns where not much else has ever gone on, and where a soldier dying for his country in each of the major wars is seemingly a generation away no matter which war. We treat our never-met ancestors with the same respect as our own grandparents. I don't think we mean to, it's just been that way so long, we don't tinker with what isn't broken. You'll find in the south that family is a much more confusing term. The very boundaries of family are challenged, usually to the confusion of everyone else. You'll think we're all connected genetically because everyone's considered a "cousin" or "uncle" . You only have to live on the same street to be inducted into someone's family around here, and we like it that way. Those close knit bonds and blurred lines seem surreal to outsiders, but you can bet it's a whole lot closer to jealousy than mockery.
Why is all of this charming? Honestly even I'm not sure. We just call it normal. All of the little things we take for granted are names and cliches to other folks. Charm, hospitality and gracious make their lists all the time. It could be as simple as folks staying in the same areas for generations and establishing better roots. It might be more complicated, but we wouldn't know if it was. Overwhelming generosity, rugged work ethic, resolve and kindness shouldn't mess up this country's plans going forward too badly. If it does, y'all can come down here and hang out, till the storm blows over.
